Sunday, August 08, 2010

Amazing Grace of Pain

Haven't checked in for awhile. Have noticed some curious have arrived at the victim soul site, intrigued by another site intent on trying to make a vow of suffering into an unhealthy devotion. Some friends researched the group doing it, and report they are an extremist fringe who evidently are not aware of the many victim souls of the Church throughout history. So we pray for enlightenment for all Catholics. It has been amazing in the nearly 15 years now, of the life-long Catholics who have never heard of Padre Pio, for example. I owe a debt of gratitude for a Catholic women giving me a book on victim souls which helped me in the conversion process.

So, regardless of visitors to the site, only a small percentage of this group and in prayer that their reading will help inform them more positively, on a personal note the pain has deepened. This past week has been severe. Today I must literally force my body out to prune roses before the heat spikes. Much of a victim soul's existence depends upon grace and faith--plus learning to make acts of the will. Realized upon awakening that last evening, returning from Mass and turning right at a stoplight, that I had a thought that I should have turned left, gone to Walmart to pick up a med refill. But did not consider it for what it was--a good nudge from my angel. Now I must go today, for I need the meds by evening, and I do not like to, and have striven not to, go into stores on the day reserved for God alone. Now this short trip today will be offered to God alone, and in apologies to my angel and also in humility that a reason I did not make the effort to turn around was also a very conscious thought that I was worn out! I saw all the traffic, and I was already in the right turn lane, and the body and mind did not think it could deal with Saturday evening packed parking lot and store.

Acts of the will counter what the body and mind desire or think, however. May God forgive me. Yes, He will. But the roses are past due for attention, and the body has been inside all week other than finally able to get to confession and Mass. The body must get out to prune, which any gardener will know is not work but is spiritual delight and instruction.

Have been working on the project for Holy Mother Church. Today also will write. What a friend shared the other day when he and his wife visited, concerned the artist's perception and terms of the negative and positive spaces in paintings and photography. Did some research, and came across the term "ma" space. It fits in well with where I need to be. It is past due, and that is the stairway to heaven. Two years ago this month my angel said and led me to it, yet have I stepped the first step?
No. The only other showing has been like huge cardboard taped across the stairway, at the base, with only the top cardboard flopped down 18 inches or so. Even a cardboard barrier is a barrier.

Will be meeting with the B. this week for spiritual direction, God willing. Am concerned due to a dream, but am praying for verification. It has to do with the matter of a possible health issue, not mine. Yet am praying. What do do if anything? But first, verification from God.

We continue on with acts of the will, but the strength of these seems to depend upon the depth of faith and the awareness of and utilization of graces. Perhaps in prayer while pruning, each snip, relieving the roses of heaviness and drain of spent blooms, can be an awakening to obstacles, and a snipping of the taped cardboard barring entrance upon the stairway to heaven.

Somehow the bloom of Iris 'Louisiana Babcock' seems to capture the point of pain with its deep purple woundedness, reminiscent of Christ's humility and shame when robed in purple. Yes, the pain of humiliation is something for a victim soul to ponder, for it is a good pain, star quality pain, and to grab ahold of the bits of gold, reminders of the crown to be won, a crown won for souls. That is a main point of suffering, of offering the suffering: for souls. Souls hard-won for Christ and His Body which is the Church.


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