Annihilation

[Found this old post of 18 months past--after I just lost somehow, a post I wrote about Marie d'Oignies, and it was good but will finish book and pray God to write it even better.]

Not sure if it is a victim soul thing or a hermit thing--probably both; but am in a strange state. Keep saying to self, "It is all right. I have agreed to this. There is no choice but to suffer it."

Then realize the reality of not having any choice. There truly is no choice but to suffer this. There is no need to try to hack back out into the temporal world--secular, Catholic, whatever world. The body pain will only increase, and it just doesn't seem to be the thing to do, anyway. There is no place to go in the TCW, for the doors are not opening; it is not prudent.

If attempt to interact or open up, TC's sense things. Or, the body wears out, and back to the ill aspects of suffering. Coming to the point that there is not the motivation or energy, for the facade. But do put on the facade at Mass, or in the check-out line (and this maybe once every two weeks or so). No talking today except at Mass, for the responses and prayers, and to softly whisper: Blood of Christ when offering the Cup. Or, did someone call? Yes, an adult daughter, briefly. Had energy to be enthusiastic, to listen, comment briefly.

Seems strange not to write and post blogs! The one from Arlington Diocese seems so disappointed. But must continue on in this mode, for the other, the blogosphere, was becoming a comfortable world, but a controversial world even amidst the Catholics who would read the posts. So, God seemed to say to stay away from the net, to keep on swimming out into the true deep waters.

It is hard to describe the mystical Catholic world. A couple folks who have e-mailed, suggest that the temporal Catholic world really does have the mystical Catholic world in it. And, one is close, in commenting that this happens when God writes in our hearts, or said Holy Spirit. If not, nothing says, yes, the Holy Spirit writes in our hearts, and the Holy Spirit is in both the temporal Catholic world and the mystical Catholic world. But the two worlds are not the same.

The other person thought it was that of apostolic world vs. contemplative world. No, that is not so. There is contemplative in the temporal Catholic world and contemplative in the mystical Catholic world. But the mystical Catholic world is not the same. It just is not.

There is something different that goes beyond contemplation, although contemplation is within it, surely, as it is within the temporal Catholic world, obviously. One has to be really and truly dead to be in the mystical Catholic world. Flat out dead. And this could mean physically dead, but more it means dead inside, flat dead inside. And out a bit, too. There is a deadness, a being called off solo, alone, as in a coffin, or in that state of being dead, as at one's wake, with others in the room being alive. But it is not at a temporal state of being dead. It is non-temporal.

The body cleaned the bathrooms today, and in sweeping them, noticed some peeling paint on a windowsill. Next will paint the front door trim, as it needed it, and then touch up. So thankful to angel Beth for pointing out the chipped windowsill situation. Catching up on editing complaints. That is, from the MCW observing into the temporal consumer world.

And maybe that is the best way to view the MCW: It is from an observation point somewhere outside the temporal. Even at Mass, where the TCW and the MCW meet, the one in the MCW observes from a point outside, looking in or around on the scene, from beyond. There is little to no interaction--only if the TCW approaches, and then, as in editing consumer complaints, the one in the MCW observes, reaches in for whatever minor point or action, or word, and that is that. Questions asked, such as, "How are you doing?" can be easily shifted immediately, to "How are things in your life?" The TCW Catholics (as do other temporal folks) have immediate responses, for they are active and involved in the temporal, and that is easily described. All mystical ones can listen and understand, for they all have been (even if but for a short while) immersed in the temporal.

It is much about degrees. Some MC's have been socialized to be more temporal, and to not linger with the mystical. Yet, if they are truly called to the MCW, they will keep tripping, and eventually will agree to leave the TCW, for there will seem no other alternative! If they have been agreeing to God's will and striving to please Him, then He will keep tugging to where He wants them.

And it is so strange in the adaptation, the transition phase. There is such a supreme sense of total abandonment. And that sense is daunting, and rather indescribable. Little doubts can inch into the thoughts, but when God has provided circumstances, such as finally leveling enough suffering so as to hamstring the person from much else, the person settles into it. Even if the person thinks it ought to be reaching out in some way, it does not. It is tired, and it realizes it is not coming back into the temporal this time, as it had done so in the past.

Yes, in the past when these sieges came, nothing would struggle to get better, and to overcome the bodily pain and depletion, and to fight against the strange sensations going on, the interiorization process. But this time, it is not. It is trying to physically improve, to manage the constant, higher level of pain; but it is not going to struggle back out into the TCW, or any other temporal world.

There has been some night work. A murder the other night, and that means more souls to pray for in that realm. But even the praying is shifting, and nothing recalls the angels awakening it a couple months ago, singing in a kind of bell-tone chime: All peace on earth, all PEACE on earth. And that is becoming the prayer: All peace on earth. Not the detailed prayers for this one or that. The mind in the MCW is opening up.

The sensation that used to come now and then at the top of the nose, at the bridge, has moved up to the forehead, and sometimes goes up to the top of the head over to the left a bit. The mind, so connected with the soul, as the intellect and the will are in the soul, are opening up, being stretched, widened, heightened, deepened.

Nothing must not be afraid. At this stage of separation from the TCW (and any world), it wouldn't matter if insanity came. It is about the same as far as the life involvements. Except that without insanity, the person can pretty much manage the temporal aspects required for a body to exist in the temporal conditions, yet be a mystical Catholic.

And the mystical Catholic's world is nothing that can easily be explained, and part of the alienation, the sense of annihilation, is that there isn't anyone, really, who wants it explained or whose temporal time should be taken with listening to it being attempted to be explained. Either the TCW's get confused, or think that the MCW is somehow being described as superior, or they want to defend that the MCW is really in the TCW, or that they are part of the MCW while still being very much TCW. Or that the one in the MCW is crazy or pathetic. Or that it really should not be expressing these thoughts, trying to describe the experience. And that is probably best. Others might feel left out from something that would not be for them or God would have them on their way or in it. (And some He does, but they can't describe it, either, no doubt, for evidently this is something that a person must experience solus Deus.)

The priests stand at the portal between the TCW and the MCW. Some priests aren't aware of this. The ones who comprehend it, if someone tries to explain, do not have the time to spend on it, and really and truly, there is NOTHING they can DO for the person, anyway, as it dies and gets born into the MCW. They can listen within reasonable bounds, and can encourage, but there is no parish life for the MC in temporal terms. Assisting at Mass is about it, for that is really a MCW function; although TCW folks often make it into something more temporal than not, what with the fussing and egos and envies and rushing for positions.

Well, it is all right. All that is part of the TCW, and the MCW meets that world at Mass and in all the Sacraments. Other encounters require the facade, which requires some energy, and that energy comes from the Holy Spirit as the Holy Spirit deems appropriate. It is love that He provides for the energy, and so when a call comes from one who the Holy Spirit desires the MC to have energy to love and to reach into the temporal, the energy love is there immediately.

Nothing found that out when the call came from the eldery couple. But if the TCW or any temporal world encounter is not necessary, not deemed desirable for any reason whatsoever, the Holy Spirit will keep the MC rather deadened, or in pain enough to not have even the slightest desire to reach into the temporal.

As for the harp, Rosa Mystica, nothing is practicing a bit each day, usually right before bedtime at night. And it has started to play Scripture. It does this by plucking strings in a melody spontaneous in the MCW, of the Holy Spirit, and sings the words of the Scripture with the melody. The melody could change each time the Scripture is played. It does not matter.

There are different rules and standards in the MCW than in the TCW. As mentioned, prayer is different (TCW very specific, MCW "All peace on earth"). Music in the MCW does not have to follow any particular guidelines, nor does art, or planting flowers and trees. Food in the MCW is something that must be undertaken as a temporal task in the preparation and eating, but there is no desire for details; it is all in the present moment, with whatever is at hand. And it is appreciated the way one being swept out with the current, once it has been swimming beyond any nets, into the deep--appreciated as one out there would appreciate being offered a boost of energy for a fresh breath of air. That is all, nothing more nor less.

Day and night in the MCW are not as in the TCW, although the MC retires at night, shuts its eyes, prays to be utilized however the Lord wills, just as it would in temporal daylight. And the Lord does utilize the MC at night. It goes places and interacts from the MCW into the realm that is not translatable but yet is temporal, with temporal actions incurred. But the MC is able to float in that world as well as in the temporal daylight world. And with practice and prayer, the MC is melded into day and night, all the same in essence for the MC, from that outside observation post, in the MCW.

There's more, but this is enough for now. The main adaptation continuing on this day and night, is the sense of annhiliation, and that feels sort of like drowning would feel in the temporal, or like being excluded from the TCW--even though the person KNOWS that the MCW is where it belongs, and must learn the ropes of that world. Yes, it is work, and a little unnerving due to the great unknown of it and the sensation of being a dead person embodied in the temporal realm, but love of God and His will, makes the yoke easy and the burden light.

The Holy Spirit is very present in the MCW in a way more so than what is perceived in the TCW--even though He is as present there. So one in the MCW must have its mind stretched to receive the great sensations that feel as pressures within the head, as the Holy Spirit expands in the mind. This will assist in the adaptation to the MCW.

Must have faith and keep going out, out, and in, in, in. Do not fear. One must be very much alone in death and in birth.

[Really love the way these Virgin coneflowers picked up the morning light. The plants do not exist by the rules and standards of the temporal, although the temporal people impose certain rules upon gardening. So it is with the MCW, and one must not create rules for it, but remain as a flower or leaf, reflecting light, or being swept along with the current of God and all that is His.]