St. Rose of Lima's Reminder

Have been so exhausted and despairing in the physical pain as well as spiritual torment, trying to find my "place".

This morning the only thing I knew to do was to throw myself once more into the Sacraments, so went to Confession second day in a row followed by Mass. While waiting in confession line (so good to have a line!), I began reading St. Rose of Lima's excerpt in the Divine Office, "Readings".

She reminds us, from a message of God, that we should love trials and heap more upon ourselves if possible, as from trials come graces, and graces are necessary and good for our spiritual lives.

In confession, the priest from India of the Congregation of St. Vincent de Paul brought up being consecrated, as St. Rose of Lima was consecrated ot God and in the Third Order of St. Dominic. Yes, I have been just recently agonizing that I need to be consecrated as an eremitic in the diocese. But that is not forthcoming anytime soon, any formal consecration, it seems. And that adds to the anguish of not having a "place." Yet, this past week in having some communication from women who are consecrated hermits, publicly, I realized that I do not at all desire such public notice, and that this lack of interest in that aspect is deep within and surely from God's desires, also. But now I know that I am consecrated, for the priest told me, unbidden from any information I gave, that all I must do is surrender myself completely to God from within my heart and soul, and I will be consecrated.

I did this. Then during Mass I recalled a time right before I was confirmed a Catholic, that my heart was given intense pain and other aspects, and the Lord let me know He "consecrated--have wounded your heart."

Now the task is to embrace the suffering, over and over and over. To embrace the isolation and aloneness that comes with suffering, but knowing that we are not alone. We are with each other who suffer, and with Jesus on the cross, and all the saints who embraced tribulations knowing that to do so helped them grow in grace.