Melding of Victim Soul/Hermit Thoughts on Suffering and Joy

So much is interwoven: solitude, suffering, and then the fruit of joy as an outgrowth.

"A Carthusian" (see how hidden he remains, even after death?) writes something so helpful to hermits and to hermit-victimsouls:

There are souls who seek solitude merely in order to find themselves; there are others who seek it so that they may give themselves. Still, it remains to be lived!

Happy those who know how to put their whole soul into all they do. Because they are giving themselves, they will be able to bear much suffering, but their happiness will exceed their suffering, since the gift of self is the source and condition of life, and therefore of spiritual growth and joy. Go on, then, giving yourself: go on suffering...seek your joy inthat precious suffering that the gift of self entails. God Who became man knew no more excellent way than this when He was on earth.

The hermit finds that fatigue crops up in odd ways, and after seemingly "doing" little. Sitting is enough to increase pain. In the stillness, with little to do but put things into ordered love, God is teaching the hermit. A friend e-mails something: she says she is sensitive, naive, and is hurt by those who are more assertive.

The hermit agrees with the sensitive part. The naivete is something the hermit mentioned awhile ago to the confessor, and he responded that the hermit has been around enough to not be naive--has seen it all and experienced much of it. So perhaps the friend is expressing what the hermit was probably trying to express: shock--repeated shock and surprise--at the evils of the world, especially the lesser evils so rampant.

As for being hurt by those more assertive, the hermit has perceived this friend as being assertive, at least in her home setting. Part of this may be due to her illness, of a mental illness in which her voice becomes strident and delusions find root. But the point is: this is her perception, not mine. And when one has a perception about oneself, it becomes truth to that person.

Are we hurt by those more assertive, or do others more assertive hurt us? If it is us being hurt, then why? More assertive is a degree, and who knows if one is more or less assertive? It is all perception, and it is reflected from the self. When the self begins to consider being hurt, and being hurt by others, and being hurt by others who are perceived by the self to be more assertive--then it is self that is doing the hurting.

For, when the self asserts that perception, then those around that self wonder if it is they who have done the hurting--for such perceptions also can bring out the "self" in others. It becomes very self-centered, all these perceptions. One of the Nine S' is: selflessness.

During the night the hermit had a dream of much disorder and chaos. Family members of three generations were gathered, and they were to go to a Christmas program for the children. The hermit was caring for a small child, a baby with a bad cold and runny nose. So much stuffed in that little nose and hard to get it out. The house was cluttered and jammed with things and people. Loudness, movement, hustle, and criticism--for things were out of order and the parent figures were pointing out things that needed fixing. The dream neared nightmare point of frustration and tension, when the hermit looked out the door and saw it sleeting: and then mustered nerve to turn to one parent figure and say, "I cannot go. I simply cannot and will stay with the baby who has a cold."

From that instance, relief surged through even within the dream, and the dream dissipated into awakening.

Yes, it is very important to tend to putting things in loving order, and this includes if one is fatigued--even from doing very little. Put things in loving order within the soul, get the rest that is needed, if weariness is what is out of loving order. Tend to the physical body, if that is what is out of order. Put all in loving order. Give oneself in denying oneself.

The gift of self can be given in the offering to slow down, to not go, to not do more than what God asks, which is sometimes very little. What is it to glorify God? It can be as small and still and simple as blowing a nose and saying "I can't go, I simply cannot." That can be very loving, to love God by our complete surrender.