A Victim Soul or Not?

A loving, suffering soul left a comment with questions on another blog, but I felt it fit best in victim soul content as opposed to the hermit category. I did respond on that blog, some, but prayed and waited and have a bit more to contribute, such as it is.

This is the comment with questions:

My life seems to be one of suffering. Even though I have suffered my whole life, I feel that since I found Jesus (many years ago), my sufferings have increased but also I have had so many more blessings too. How do I know if Jesus wants me to be a victim soul? If I offer myself to suffer could that be wrong? (I have actually offered already many years ago, but I am not sure if He took me up on it- I definitely suffer but am I a victim soul? I don't know.) Lately I feel like I find myself wondering what can I do for God? What am I doing? Am I supposed to offer myself for others or did I just assume that? I actually abhor the thought of suffering and I am a hypochondriac. I suffer from much anxiety and always have since my childhood. I have numerous health issues. How do I know if I am given these from Jesus or not? I am afraid to be self- supposing and assume Jesus wants me to be a victim soul for I am very prideful and so far from perfection that I don't feel I can trust my own self or my motives. Are they my self-serving motives somehow or HIs? I actually believe He wants all souls to be united with Him, but I feel so unworthy. I can picture others being called but not myself. My failings and sins seem so apparently visible to me that they cause me suffering. I am also a mother. Should a mother offer herself in that way? For I feel guilty that I have asked for suffering and my husband and family are of course affected by my life. My children especially have been afflicted with health problems and this in turn feels like a sword in my heart. I can imagine no other worse way to suffer than to see my children in pain- what if I have indirectly asked for this by offering to suffer? Lastly, Is being a victim soul the same as offering up our sufferings. We are taught to offer it up, that all souls suffer to win souls. Is that the same as being a victim soul? I do hope you will reply. I am in agony just over wether I am doing the right thing or not. Many times I feel restless in my faith like there is an upheaval of sorts going on in my soul but I have no idea why. I feel so very alone. It's not like I have a hand book or know a community that has this charism. My husband is a lukewarm catholic (he hasn't been given the gift of faith and seems to choose what suits him and doesn't worry much about salvation) and my extended family are atheists. I feel alone and have no-one to turn to about the matter.

After a few days of prayer and pondering, the first response is that I don't know. I don't know who is a victim soul or not, but the soul will know if God needs the soul to know. Once, someone realized they were a mystic. The Lord then asked, "Why do you need a label?"

So, whether or not one is a victim soul, might not matter as much as living out the modality of a victim soul, which, like a hermit, has certain "givens." One is that the person offers whatever suffering comes--offers this with gratitude for Christ to use as He wills. This might be for reparation of sins of particular souls, of one's own soul, or of unknown souls. The victim soul does not need to know. Perhaps Jesus will decide to let the person know, however. And whatever. But another given is that one vocation will not preclude or interfere negatively with another vocation, such as marriage. The daily duty must continue, and a sacramental vocation such as marriage would not be jeopardized--at least not by God!

That is why it seems reasonable that there are degrees within the vocation of victim soul. Does the suffering come from God? Well, would it come from the devil? If one does not have a peace with the suffering, or is taking pride in the suffering over a period of time, and discovers that the suffering is a manifestation of the psyche, then it probably is not from God. But even sufferings of the mind and emotions can be utilized and offered to God, even if they are not per se from God--or the underlying motives are confused and not holy (pride, desire for recognition, or other pathologies, etc.). It seems from my limited experience, that when something is tainted by the devil, there is no better way to flush the evil out than by telling God that you aren't sure if the suffering is from him or not, but that regardless you are offering it to Him, and are acknowledging it all to be His and His alone.

Of course, one can simply ASK God if the suffering is from Him, and then wait, pray, and in time one will have an answer.

Is it right to ask for suffering? Well, the saints did. St. Peter asked to be crucified upside down, which would bring even more suffering. He had a reason for this penance, this act of submission and humility: witnessing that he is unworthy to be crucified in the manner of Christ. It was some mortification, huh?

Is being a victim soul the same as offering up our sufferings? The vocation as a victim soul is a vocation. Offering up our sufferings seems more an act that might not include a full-rooted vocation. However, as I have previously written and suggested five levels of vows as a victim soul, even if situational, one can surely be a situational victim soul. What is required in a vocation, however, is a call. The call can be subtle, over time, or immediate and loud and clear. If there has been a long-enduring sense that one is being asked to suffer on behalf of souls, and if there is a desire for this which is not from an emotional or psychological pathology, then chances are that is a call.

One can test calls, of course. Pray. Ponder. Continue on in daily life with doing one's earthly duty. Are the dishes being washed and laundry folded and put away? Are family needs being met? Is the prayer life stable, Mass attendance regular, confession on-going, spiritual direction sought and accepted? Someone with a vocation seeks advice from the priest, confessor, spiritual director--to help discern the vocation call. Then, one continues to live, and over time, especially with suffering and the vocation as a victim soul, God will give affirmations along the way. Even something like hypochondria can be a suffering worth offering to Jesus for reparation. However, victim souls do not take pride in their sufferings and so seek alleviation to the sufferings.

This is perhaps one of the best discernment tools. If the suffering can be alleviated by medication, therapy, or other mortal means (which are given by God Who gives us all good), then the person will know that at least the suffering was situational, for a certain period of time. That would eliminate, at least for that time phase, being a primary victim soul or even a secondary one.

Perhaps it is best to keep in mind that God would not desire the soul to fret about it too much. One can ask to be a victim soul, and God will either say "yes" or "no." If one has offered to suffer, and one suffers, then in time there will be some kind of peace and affirmations as to the vocation's validity.

Again, it probably isn't so important to know if one is a victim soul or not, but to have faith that if one offered to suffer and is suffering, that at least that has been allowed by God. Even if the sufferings are not so much physical, they can be offered with love and joy. Even if the sufferings are spiritual in nature, they can be offered with love and joy.

Perhaps the distinction between "offering it up" and being a "victim soul" is that there is a kind of agreement between the soul and Jesus in the vocation aspect. The victim soul has offered first or been asked first, either way, and the person has some indications that Jesus has accepted the offer--or the person has told Jesus that the person agrees to the suffering, to this vocation. A vow given and received by a priest helps dispel the doubts, for the priest would have spent time going over the situation with the person making the vow.

Sometimes a person might make a private vow before the Tabernacle, or in the night in bed! But, it does seem very prudent to then discuss this vocation with a priest who has some understanding of suffering and of victim souls. Read many books of victim souls, but do not think that any path will be the same. And, one must not let the imagination take over, for that is the devil's playground--once the gate is opened to emotions and imagination.

Trust that the Lord will let you know, when and where and how He deems you need to know if you are a victim soul or not. In the mean time, suffer to love and love to suffer.

I pray this answers the questions, somewhat, or at least gives some ideas as to how to proceed, for the person who wrote such a lovely, heartfelt comment with questions.